Have you ever met someone who you remember as being “just an awesome person” or who you always got excited to see?
Chances are you felt like you could always just relax around them and be authentic.
People like this truly make the world a better place and we need more of them in the world.
In this post, I’m going to go over the key traits of people who emanate this presence in the world so that we can work on becoming more of a person like this that people love being around.
Table of Contents
Key Trait #1 Assertiveness
The definition of assertiveness is the quality of being confident and not frightened to say what you want or believe. To be able to express your beliefs, wants, and needs in the world without needing a result from it.
It’s that little bold part of you that comes out to express your authenticity.
It’s the ability to own who you are as a person and express yourself in the world without worrying about what other people think.
You find out if you have the ability to be assertive when you are with people who you disagree with. If you are able to assert yourself around people like this while still maintaining respect and emotional security it shows that you are assertive.
If not, it shows where you still need to work through your fears, grow self-compassion, and clarify your own values.
The main reason people lack assertiveness is from fear they have inside of them which prevents the authentic expression of themself.
The key thing to remember about genuine assertiveness is that it is not forcing or needy.
It is just an authentic expression of a person that is not aggressive or upset if it doesn’t get what it wants.
It’s the middle ground between passivity and aggression. It asserts itself honestly but doesn’t whine if it doesn’t get what it wants because it is emotionally secure.
Why is assertiveness the most important trait in all people who are fun to be around?
- It allows a person’s true expression in the world and we are all naturally attracted to authentic expression. The energy of this authenticity is vibrant and strong.
- It shows the capability to be vulnerable and real. We all connect with people who are able to share and express honestly despite what other people think.
- It shows emotional security. If someone has the ability to be vulnerable and put themselves on the line for judgment it means they are secure with themself and can offer that security to other people.
- It doesn’t hide anything and you get to know the truth of the person. We all want to be around people who aren’t fake or hiding things.
- It takes action, has fun, and makes things happen in the world. We all want to be with people who can take the lead and initiate action.
If you think about any of the people you really enjoy being around it is most likely because they have the ability to be assertive and express themselves honestly.
The personality and energy that true expression in the world creates is charismatic and attractive. We all want to be this way deep down and the people who can show it and lead you to that part of yourself will always be awesome.
Think about it, you don’t love or get to know people as much if they can’t express their unique personalities. All any of us wants is to just have the freedom to be real.
Key Assertiveness Practices:
- Approaching strangers and initiating conversation
- Disagreeing boldly and respectfully with people
- Being willing to express yourself and take risks in speech and movement
- Having boundaries and being able to say no to things that aren’t in alignment
- Being able to ask for things that you want from other people or tell them your needs
Key Trait #2 Empathy
The second trait of people who are awesome and that others enjoy being around is the capability to be empathetic.
Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. To be open and nonjudgmental towards another human being.
This is a critical trait because in order for people to feel comfortable around you they need to feel that they can relax and have the freedom to be honest and authentic.
If someone feels pressured, anxious, tense, or judged for speaking about certain things they will not open up to you, and this will prevent a real connection with them.
At the core of every solid relationship is a true connection and a sense of love between friends. Everyone wants to feel at home with people and be able to relax knowing that they will not be judged for who they are around you.
Especially with the amount of hardship and suffering that exists in the world, everyone wants to be heard, loved, encouraged, and allowed to be who they are. Nobody wants to be told what to do, controlled, judged, or put down.
Key Empathy Practices:
- Sharing vulnerably about your struggles and acknowledging theirs
- Active listening and genuine interest in people
- Offering support and problem-solving when it’s right
- Asking deep questions or why questions
- Telling someone what you like about them or acknowledging something they did
Key Trait #3 Playfulness & Humor
We all like being around people who can have fun and have a sense of humor.
This is because life is short and we want to enjoy ourselves and not take things too seriously at the end of the day. We are all going to die eventually and everything we have accumulated will be gone so why not enjoy the moments we have?
While some people have a knack for humor and others find it challenging, everyone can decide they want to have fun and be more playful in their life (as long as they are not in a state of fear/anxiety).
Humor lightens up the moment, allows people to relax, and makes social activities more fun.
By being a person who can lighten up a tense moment a little bit or get everyone to have some fun you become someone who everyone wants to be around because they know you are willing to play around and be comfortable with yourself.
Below are a few types of humor that I enjoy working on (but keep in mind there are many different types of humor).
Exaggeration: Taking things to a ridiculous extreme shows that you are joking around and are willing to be playful.
Reversals: Saying the opposite of what someone is thinking or expecting in a playful way. For example, you pull up to a really nice restaurant and say “Dam, I thought they had a drive-through window”.
Really Bad Advice: Messing around with someone giving them really bad ridiculous advice and telling them why it will help and why you are an expert on the topic. For example, someone tells you that they like going to the gym and you reply by saying “Nice, I actually hit the gym quite often myself, I’ve tested all the pre-workouts on the market and have found that a bag of flaming hot Cheetos, a shot of fireball, and a red speedo gets the best results. There’s something about the combination of burning pain in your digestive tract and the high that comes with wearing a Speedo to the gym that gets you the most fired up. You should try it out.
Misinterpretation: Taking an object in your environment or the environment (or person in general) and misinterpreting it for something else that’s funny. For example, a lady pulls out a small mirror on the bus and you tell her that drugs aren’t allowed on the bus.
Unreasonable Requests: Asking someone for something ridiculous. For example, to borrow their BMW for the month, to take care of your dog so that you can just cuddle with it, to clean your apartment, for stool and blood tests before entering your house, asking for IDs when drinking with friends.
Pinning & Callbacks: When someone starts to tell you about themself or you learn about someone then pin them as something funny based on what you learn. Then revisiting that inside joke later on in the conversation or in the relationship.
Accusations: Accusing people of being up to no good, of doing drugs, of wanting to steal something, of anything else that is funny or playful.
Key Humor Practices:
- Taking a playful attitude to social events
- Messing around with exaggeration, reversals, unreasonable requests
- Giving really bad advice
- Pinning someone and calling back to it later on
- Accusing someone of something
Key Trait #4 Sensual AKA Sexual Expression
Sensual expression is another important characteristic of people who are fun to be around and it’s a vital component of being energetic and creative.
This is because sexual energy is one of our main sources of life and bodily expression in the world and it brings force and pleasure to life experiences.
This ties into the ability to be assertive as sensual expression depends on someone’s ability to be assertive and express themself through their bodily senses.
For example, if someone is able to alter their vocal intonation, flirt and play, describe in detail a story or special moment through the senses to draw people in, or move their body with rhythm and power in dance or confident postures it shows that they can express themself sexually.
The main senses include:
- Touch
- Taste
- See
- Hear
- Smell
- Feel (emotionally)
This characteristic is most important in sexual relationships and attraction because it allows people to have fun together and express their sexuality.
That being said, it’s also an important trait overall because it is a key component of the ability to be creative in the world and have strong fun life energy.
Key Sensual Practices:
- Add a sensual description to conversation or story
- Practice initiating touch with other people
- Practice holding strong eye contact
- Walk and move with some swagger or practice holding power poses
- Smirk and play with facial gestures
- Be able to talk about sex freely
Concluding Thoughts
In my opinion, those are the 4 most important traits of anyone who is fun to be around.
If you can improve on being able to express these traits around other people then you have a solid chance of building better social relationships in life.
That being said, in order to be someone who has all of these traits it can take some personal evolution and overcoming internal fears to get there because at the end of the day, someone can only radiate these qualities if they feel safe and at peace with themself as I discussed in the ability to be assertive.
